weekend full of drama!!

We usually have some sort of drama on the weekends but this weekend was horrible, Ashlyn has been dealing with the stress of some things that I am going through and she was not a very nice girl this last weekend.  First it started off on Friday morning when I was trying to get them ready for school she freaked out on me because she was running late and I told her I was going to leave her and take the others to school, she got really, really mad and she told me that she was going to get a gun and shoot me I told her she had to go to her room until she could calm down.  Then Saturday we had soccer all morning and she played good but the afternoon she was terrible.  She started a tantrum about 5:30 and it kept escallating and she kept getting worse until I couldn't handle it any longer and I freaked out she told me that I was the meanest mom ever and she was going to call the cops and put me in Jail, and sarcastically I told her that would be great I could sleep the whole night with out kids or husband waking me up, I could get fed 3 meals a day and not have to clean anything up, WRONG thing to say RaKelle went to her room hysterical because she was afraid that I would like jail so much that I would want to stay forever and then everyone would die because she doesn't know how to take care of dad, I assured her that I was being sarcastic and I really don't want to go to jail I just couldn't handle Ashlyn anymore that night, then RaKelle totally spilled the beans on why she was so terribly ornery that afternoon, come to find out her she was with some friends and they were watching youtube and she asked them not to watch a video because it would scare her and they watched it anyway she was so upset, Jaren was yelling about everything I did that day I couldn't do ANYTHING right.  Bedtime could not come soon enough that day.  Then Sunday came I got up and got ready for church and the kids all up and ready and we went to church, Braxton would not sit still in Primary and Ashlyn was being so naughty I almost just took her home, instead I sat her in a corner in the hallway and she was not allowed to participate in the activities that everyone else was doing.  She got worse and worse so I walked her down to the nursery and opened the door and told her if she is going to act like a 2 year old she was going to be with the 2 year olds, she finally calmed down long enough to go to class and sit nicely for the very end, I was at the end of my rope by the time we got home and I sent them all to their rooms for an hour so I could calm down.

Thank goodness the weekend finally came to an end and now I need a weekend to recover from the weekend.  I took Ashlyn in to her counselor today and he did some amazing things with her to prove to her why I get upset and how much I am dealing with in terms that a 10 year old can comprehend.  He got out about 10 really heavy books from his bookshelf and set them on my lap and told Ashlyn that he wanted me to carry these around all the time and I could never have a break, he then asked her if I would get worn out and she said "yes" and he said " I am pretty sure that would wear her out, so now lets pretend that these books are the burdens that your mom is carrying around all the time" and she smiled and said "ok" and he asked her "what are some things that you can do to help take off some of the weight?" and she said "I could stop fighting with my brother and sister" and " I could clean my room" and "I could be nice to my dad and my mom" everytime she said something that she had control over to help ease my load he would take a book off of my lap and gave it to her,  I think she realized how much I carry around all the time, she has not had ONE tantrum this afternoon and evening and she came right home and did her chores.  We have not had one fight either.  He also gave us some good tips on how to work together and get things cleaned up together after dinner so it isn't all on me.  He explained to her why I was so willing to go to jail that night and that sometimes moms' get to a point when they just can't take anymore.   I love my kids and I can't imagine my life without them but why must they push me to the edge? I know that our lives are crazy and they are not "normal" but I try my hardest to make it as normal as I possibly can.  Hopefully this weekend can be less dramatic! there is always hope I guess.

Good experience for our kids!!

We did something today as a family that the kids want to continue, we had to run to the grocery store and we were by the Beehive House, which is where Jaren goes while I work, the people were so excited to see him and to meet his kids. RaKelle played the piano for them and they really liked that they kept telling her to keep playing, after we left we talked about some things and decided that they would like to go there once a week during the summer and do crafts or play games with them and sing with them. I think that everyone will enjoy it and then the kids will know that dad is taken care of when he is there and they don't have to worry about anything while he is there. Thank you to the Beehive Home for allowing him to go there and enjoy conversation with people instead of sitting in front of the TV all day.  It was fun to see the people interact with him and tell the kids how much they enjoy him being there.  It made him feel really good.  One of the men their even went into the kitchen and got the kids some fruit snacks. 


We met a new Neurologist and she ordered blood work and MRI, the blood work came back really good and one of the medications they have him on for mood is low so if they need to they can up the dose a little and still be ok with numbers.  MRI results came back and she said that the brain is stable it hasn't changed since his last MRI in 2007, which is a very good thing (I think), but the MRI does not show mental decline, so they do what they call a mini mental exam that consists of asking questions and having him do things and that score was 18/30 I thought it was an ok score because his last score was 11, well come to find out it is not a good score anything below 28/30 is not a good score, he improved from the last mini mental exam, he must have had a good day that day, he has a hard time with more than one command at a time. 

It seems like things never end though, I feel like I can't keep up with everything, bills, Jaren, keeping the house cleaned, homework, Jaren, laundry, dishes, soccer practice, games, Jaren, dr appts, SLEEP, work, oh and did I mention Jaren? he keeps me on my toes I really do not understand some of the things that he does he doesn't even know why he does some of the things he does, like make eggs in a glass bowl on my stove, good thing I happen to be home at that time, that would have been a huge mess to clean up.