It has been awhile

It has been awhile since I have posted anything. We have been very busy getting the kids ready to go back to school, family reunions, soccer, and I got a job!! I know it will be difficult to go back to work but I need to do something to stay afloat.

I will be working at Heartland Elementary as an aide, I will work Monday thru Thursday for 4 hours. I am worried that the kids will fall behind in school again and Jaren will have to be put back on meds but I know this will help us a lot. I have gone to all of the kids' teachers and expressed my concern and they are so good to work with us. Jaren will need care while I am away and Hospice has stepped right up to help out, the nurse will be coming in 2 times a week, and the social worker has put in a request for a volunteer to come at least once a week, and she also called a patient advocate (I didn't know that patient advocates even existed) he has been so helpful, he has been meeting with all of the senior centers in our area to see if I can take Jaren there a couple times a week and the best part about it is, is it will be free and I don't have to do ANY of the calling myself, I am tired of getting turned away it gets discouraging. The hospice program has been a blessing in our lives they are so good at what they do, and our nurse is amazing.

I started taking the kids to a new child psychologist to help them cope with all of the stuff that is going on and he seems to be getting somewhere with Ashlyn, I hope it continues she is a very shy person and she doesn't talk to counselors much but she talked to him A LOT which was very encouraging. I had to find Braxton a psychologist because he has been having anxiety, I leave the house for a minute and he calls me and says "mom, you need to come home I can't breath and my heart hurts." I took him to the family physician to make sure he really wasn't having heart problems and he suggested to start taking him to counseling. He had a major meltdown when he found out that I had to go back to work. He came and asked me if I could have a talk alone with him so we went into my bedroom and he melted and started bawling I asked him what was wrong and he said to me "what is going to happen to us?" and I said "what do you mean?" he said "what is going to happen to us if dad dies and you have to work and there will be nobody here to calm us down, or take care of us." I picked him up in my arms trying my hardest not to cry and said "Braxton, family is more important to me than a job, if it doesn't work out and you guys are worrying I will figure something out, I promise I will be here for you guys I will not leave you to take care of yourself." He was fine with that answer and calmed down. Wow I don't know if I can keep doing this, it is a very difficult subject to talk about to children, I try to be very open with things and try to be available whenever they need me.