Busy, busy, busy

I have been extremely busy the last couple weeks so I am a little behind.  I got my car fixed and registered that is a huge weight off my shoulders.  We got Jaren's pump in the mail but we can't get into to see the nurse to help train us on the pump for a month so we can't start using it until then.  We have 2 birthdays, Easter, and a baptism with in 2 weeks of each other I am starting to get a little worried about getting everything done.  I can't believe my baby will be 8 yrs old on Easter Sunday.  He is not supposed to be getting baptized until May but we are going to be doing it earlier so that Jaren will be able to baptize him even if someone has to get in the font with him, the bishop and I decided that if we wait until May and Jaren can't do it we don't want to kick ourselves for not doing sooner so that Jaren could baptize and confirm his only son and the last of our children. 

The last two weeks have been so frustrating also when my car didn't pass that was just the beginning.  I thought maybe the car would be the trial for that week but of course when it rains it poors.  RaKelle had a major meltdown and asked me to help her get some medication that would help her be happy again and not so down all the time, I wanted to cry for her.  Then we had an appt with the neurologist and it went ok, nothing has changed and we didn't get to see the doctor for very long so I wasn't able to ask my many questions.  We then went from the dr to Parent Teacher and Ashlyn is lying about injuries at school, and she is lying to me about what happens at school and then she gets frustrated when nobody believes her, by the night I was so worn out I couldn't keep up with everything I wanted to just scream and go to bed, but RaKelle had young womens and Ashlyn had activity days so I dropped them both off and was able to sit down for an hour and when I went to pick up Ashlyn someone there pulled me aside and told me how when he has been checking on Jaren for me that my house needs some work and continued to tell me everything that was wrong with my house, I just looked at him and tried not to just start bawling I was so embarrassed and upset that he would even say anything to me like that and he just kept going, I finally said come on Ashlyn we are leaving, I left the house and cried my eyes out I know my house is not perfect and I know I need to do better, BUT I have no time as it is I can barely get dinner on the table and the dishes done, the kids have chores but how can I make them follow through when I am never home? needless to say I asked the bishop not to send ANYONE over anymore to check on Jaren, it is easier for me to call and check on him then to be at work and worry about what people think of my house.  Maybe he should walk in my shoes for an hour and then maybe he would realize why I don't have an emaculate house.  We got the house really clean thanks to the volunteers that come over so willingly to help us.  I have been able to actually keep up on it so far with the help of the kids and Jaren has even been doing his chores.  Then Braxton woke up a week ago with Strep throat nobody else has gotten it yet so hopefully they won't. 

I am so ready for spring.  The weather has been so nice that the kids have been playing outside a lot and it has been nice.  I also broke down and bought me a Kindle because I sit at the doctors office so much and I have read all of the magazines and they all have the same kind of magazines and I hate taking big thick books with me because I leave them there and then I have to go back and get them, this way I can stick it in my purse and read books I am so excited I love it already I have even used it and this week we have appts as well so I will get to use it a lot.

Enough is ENOUGH

I am so tired and worn out I have been sick for 3 weeks now it is getting old.  I started with the stomach flu and then the next week I had croup, yes croup I hardly ever get sick and I end up with croup how does that happen? my kids didn't even have it, nobody else got it or even a cold.  I must be so stressed out that I can't fight off sickness.  I have been having horrible nightmares that are so bad I wake up drenched with sweat and screaming.  I went to the Dr again today because I thought I had an ear infection, I stopped on my way home to get my car inspected and emissions so that it is legal again and it failed Safey inspection, I think the guys at the place thought I was a fruitcake because when they told me it failed and why I started crying.  I just kept thinking one more freaking thing I have to take care of and handle and find a way to get it done so I can get it re-inspected within 14 days.

We were able to get his wheelchair and it is a very nice one and he likes it a lot.  I think we finally got the insurance worked out finally for the pump and they also were able to qualify him for a continuous blood glucose monitor which will keep track of sugars 24/7 I know it isn't perfect because the readings can be off but it will make my caregiving life a little bit easier especially while I am at work. 

I went with a friend last night to see The Vow and it was so close to home I cried the whole movie, my eyes burned all night because of it, one part on the movie I was sobbing and tears were streaming down my face.  I got a little jealous though because they got a 2nd chance at their life together and I know that I will not have that chance.  It was a good movie and I liked it.  We put our kids and our husbands in the movie the Lorax and went to our movie ALONE and it was so nice and relaxing even though I cried the whole time.  I totally understood Leo and how frustrating it was for him to remember their happy lives together and that she remembered nothing about it, she didn't even remembering being married.  I also got a glimpse at how frustrating it is for Jaren to not remember things and how they get so agitated and ornery because they don't remember and people expect them to remember everything it was eye opening.