back to work.........yeah, relief

I am back to work and I can't tell you how excited I was to go back to work to get away from the house for a few hours a day.  I am only back for a couple weeks and then I am off again until after the new school year starts.  I am very thankful though because at the end of the school year I didn't know if I would have a job in the fall and last week I found out that I will, what a HUGE relief for me what an answer to my prayers that day.  Jaren has been really down this week so I am trying to be happy and upbeat for him but I am so NOT in the mood to be happy, I am done with being let down and done with people talking behind my back.  I know people talk and I know sometimes some people don't like what I do or some of the decisions I make for my family and sometimes they are frustrated with me but maybe they should trade me places and see how they like it I guarantee they will change their mind after living in my shoes for 2 hours or less.  Not to mention I DON'T have time for drama.  I work my butt off to take care of Jaren and the kids and a lot of times I get left on the back burner, and sometimes the kids don't get what they want but we deal with it and sometimes I don't have a choice.  A haircut every once in awhile is soooooooo worth it even if I don't really have the money sometimes you just feel sooo much better when you look nice and your hair is done. 

I knew that since I wasn't working in the summer that I wouldn't be getting paid so I took my last paycheck and paid off my CAR, I can't tell you what a relief that is to me knowing that my car won't get towed in the middle of the night because I was behind on payments or that I don't have another car payment but of course when you pay off a car it starts to have problems so of course the minute I sent the check my spark plugs went out on me, I don't have air conditioning, and my window only rolls up and down sometimes, so when someone asked me the other day if I felt like I was getting a raise with no car payment, NO I DO NOT, I am not getting paid for 3 months and I have to pay to get it fixed.  I really am just done with everything in life right now so I am taking a sleeping pill (which means the anxiety is very bad today because I never take pills to help me sleep because every time I do we end up in the hospital because I don't care about things in the middle of the night)  and going to bed so that I can hopefully feel refreshed tomorrow and be able to be happy again for my kids, they are really the ones that suffer when I am not in the mood to put up with things.  I try my hardest to put on a happy face for them but sometimes I just can't do it.