Major meltdown

RaKelle and I had a huge fight the other night and it turns out that it was a big relief, we were able to talk about things and tell each other how we are feeling and we both bawled our eyes out until midnight.  My eyes were so swollen and red the next day I could hardly do anything the next day.  She told me that she wishes she was that little 4 year old girl that didn't know what was going on, but then if she was 4 and he passed away she wouldn't be able to know what happened and she would just be wondering what happened to her dad.  She also asked me how I can keep going with out a breakdown and I told her that I don't always keep going sometimes I cry myself to sleep and get up the next day and do the things that I need to do, and I made sure that she knew that.  I told her that I am trying my best to be strong for her and her Ashlyn, and Braxton.  I also told her that she is ok for feeling cheated and that it was ok to be worried about him because he is struggling and it is very difficult to watch him decline she said that it is hard that it is such a slow process.   I think it did both of us a lot of good to have a talk and to cry and hug and share our feelings about what is going on in our lives.  I hope that she always knows that I will always be here for anything that she needs and that she can always confide in me and tell me things even if they are difficult to hear.  RaKelle I love you so much and I am so thankful to be your mom and watch what a great young women you are turning out to be.  You are a great help to me with your dad and we still have a long road ahead but we will stick together and make it through.